So I’ve recently been thinking about reproof when in leadership. As a leader, sometimes there are things that you see going on that you don’t like that need to be handled. The question is how, as a leader, do you handle the situation? Some will “put them in their place” with some verbal lashings. Others will do nothing. Is there a middle ground?

Growing up, my parents often did spank me, for very serious things, but most things were worth correcting but weren’t serious enough for a spanking. There is a place for strong verbal reprimand, but I was raised through reason, so I think that drips through to who I am and how I lead today.

I remember as a kid, there was a time when I really wanted to get an earring. My Dad thought that was a ridiculous idea. He could have yelled at me and told me that was the dumbest thing I ever heard. He could have made sure I was never able to physically get to the mall to do it. Or he could have done what he did, and just talked me through it. He asked, “so why do you want one?” and the conversation went like this:

Dad: So why do you want one?
me age 9: because its cool. Sean has one and look at how cool he looks. Vanilla ice has one too, and he’s super cool.
Dad: ok, I can see why you think they are cool. Well, so you think computers are cool right?
me: yeah, I love them. obviously. you know that.
Dad: yeah. well, are you going to get a job someday working with computers?
me: yeah, that would be awesome.
Dad: Do you think they will like your earing at the interview?
me: hmm. I can take it off.
Dad: Can you take away the hole that it is going to make in your ear too?
me: hmmm. no.
Dad: Well, if you don’t want that earring then, why should you want it now? Once you do this, you can’t go back to not having a hole in your ear.
me: ok Dad. I see what you mean.

It’s funny for me to think back to that. I currently still don’t have an earing in either ear. I can’t believe I thought vanilla ice was that cool. My dad chose to believe that I was smart enough to figure it out. I’ve tried to live that way too, believing that with some talking through things, most people that we work with in our lives are smart enough to see things for what we believe they are, and if they aren’t that way, perhaps we will learn from them on how things really are.

Am I against really coming down on something if it warrants it? No, I do believe there are times when being extremely stern, especially if we are talking about safety issues, may be necessary. But I think what my father has taught me about leadership is that we need to take care to teach without breaking the person. Just like Steven Covey talks about the story of the Goose with the Golden Eggs, we need to treat people that we work with carefully, and find ways to keep things working without killing them off to try to get more out of them. I try to make it a rule of mine to talk to someone about an issue in private at least once, and normally after things have cooled down, before ever having to confront them publicly. Life has a lot of lessons to learn. Good leaders and good friends should be there to help us learn them. At least that’s what I think my Dad has always tried to instill in me. Here’s a few things from proverbs that came to mind when I was thinking about all of this.

Proverbs 15:31 – The ear that heareth the reproof of life abideth among the wise.

Proverbs 15:5 – A fool despiseth his father’s instruction: but he that regardeth reproof is prudent.

Proverbs 17:10 – A reproof entereth more into a wise man than an hundred stripes into a fool.

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